I’ve opened my big, fat mouth many times without thinking and then immediately regretted it. I’m not going to lie, impulsive and reactionary dialogue has gotten me into relationship trouble.
Instead of listening attentively and patiently – I can be like a horse in a barrier at the starter’s gate waiting for the bell. I find myself judging. I lose compassion.
And the result?
Later, when I’m relaxed and have returned to my right mind, clarity kicks in. I see clearly how my words effect the person I am speaking to.
The good news is, my patience is improving and I’m dodging less relationship bullets. And it’s all because of the 4 Communication Principles below that I’d love to share with you. Read carefully and thank me later after you’re allowed to sleep in the bedroom instead of the doghouse.
Number One: I think about what I say, before I say it.
You may want to jump out of the gates and “be right” or stamp your voice on the situation, but hold up, wait a minute, pause. It could save you from Relationship World War III.
Number Two: I reflect upon what I say, after I say it.
Reflection builds your awareness. Becoming more self aware is like going to a “neuro gym”. Exercising reflection helps you grow and change the areas of yourself that are rooted in fear.
Number Three: I listen deeply to what the other person says, without judgment.
Listen! Just listen. Reserve judgment. Have empathy. You may actually learn something new, as opposed to strengthening your ego.
Number Four: I respond to what the other person says, with compassion.
Be on their team. Be a unit. Show kindness. Jump on the love train. Beats the hell out of sleeping on the couch:|
If people were to follow these four principles of mindful communication whenever they engage in a conversation with others, the majority of relational conflicts would subside.
I mean, how often do we really pay attention to what we say? Do you carefully consider the effects of your words upon others?
And do you really try to understand what your friends, lovers and family and colleagues are trying to communicate? To think, to listen, and to carefully reflect upon what we say is the key for having meaningful dialogues with others.
Our relationships thrive upon communication. Without it, we couldn’t survive. The way we use language influences every part of life: from shaping personal identity to governing the social, cultural and political structures of the world. We express ourselves not only through reason but with emotions, through the tone of our voice, and the ways in which our bodies move. An extended silence, a quiet glance, or a gesture of the hand are as significant as the words we choose to speak.
If we really want to know our partners, then we must give attention to the many levels of communication that exist: to the hidden meanings, covert desires, the indirect concerns, and to the ways we listen and respond.
Commit to communicate:)