Ekhart Tolle says that suffering creates the possibility of awakening. This is because when you suffer any major loss, like a death for example, there's a diminishment of one's sense of self.   This is exactly how I felt when I lost my brother to suicide. I felt helpless, smaller (even though I'm 6'2) and [...]


Every morning for quite some period of time (I can’t recall exactly how long to be honest) after my brother ended his life I’d wake up afraid. I was afraid that I’d never be my old self again. I was afraid that this loss would keep me in a dark blurry fog. I was afraid that my family may fall apart. I was afraid that I’d become consumed with the impact of my brother’s death and keep bashing my head against the wall looking for answers. I was afraid that I didn’t care much about anything. My new mantra of “I don’t care”, I was afraid would become my signature line that would slip off the tongue as my response to anything. Like a darkness without a light, a sadness without a joy and a loss without a reward – being afraid ultimately became a calm and composed confidence. But it only came with the power of love and the capacity to explore what my grief was telling me. With all the distractions in the world and all the conditioning you carry with you, it’s easy to forget in these times of personal need who walks alongside you in this life. I was afraid that I’d never overcome the guilt. I was afraid of being alone. I was afraid that this loss would dictate the future of my life in such a way that felt meaningless and empty. But most of all I was afraid that I’d never have the courage to look deep within myself and listen to the voice that told me there was something to learn from this. That’s what I was afraid of. […]