CHANGING THE CONCEPT OF YOURSELF

The concept of yourself is everything that you believe to be true. And these things that we believe to be true about ourselves have landed us precisely where we are right now. In the case of you reading this that have suffered a suicide loss – has the concept of yourself been damaged? Do you hold certain truths and views as to how suicide has left you? Is the concept of yourself tied to the feelings that you can’t seem to shake? Has guilt, shame and blame created a resistance to who you truly are at your core? The new reality that we find ourselves in after a suicide loss is one we initially wish we didn’t have to live in. Our thoughts have changed. And with every new painful thought, you leave an imprint on your concept of self. Remember – the concept of yourself is everything that you believe to be true. Know that you are a part of a higher power and a connected love. This will no doubt be your toughest mission, but the rewards for you to grow, create and love more are there. Your loved one is cheering you on just waiting for you to take the first step. In my experience – constant thoughts about how this was going to affect me and my family prevailed. Naturally, there were also never ending thoughts pertaining to my brother who had ended his life. The bottomless pit of whys and if onlys on a daily basis created this self imposed spotlight on myself. I was now very, very different from everyone else in my mind. No one could possibly understand. Nor did they want to, I would tell myself. Basically, my concept of self was obliterated. And the self that I was now building was carved out from a gigantic slate of grief, hurt and negativity. This is who I was becoming with every new thought – moving further and further away from my true self – the one and only love within. […]

ARE YOU TIRED OF RUNNING AWAY?

Bringing about true change in your life can be a challenging task. The third area of your brain – the cerebellum – is responsible for storing habitual thoughts, attitudes and behaviors. This deep part of the brain subconsciously keeps us on rewind. No matter what new information we learn about – for example – a book about compassion or relationships – syncing that new information up with your body and making it a new positive way of being is the challenge. As world renowned neuroscientist, Dr. Joe Dispenza would say – it’s breaking the habit of being yourself. I bring this up in relation to a suicide loss because there is a lot to be learned. One of the most common themes I have experienced within myself and noticed from others is the tendency to run away from our hurt and suffering. When you add that much fire power of emotion to your thoughts, you create that reality which you see in your mind and feel in your body. Your internal reality will always be a reflection of your external. You could be a mother with other children to worry about and in your eyes you just don’t have time to grieve properly. You have to stay strong for the family and so five years pass and you’re a bigger mess on the inside. OR – You could be like me. At twenty years old, my brother passed and my initial reaction was to run away. Run away from relationships, run away to a different country, run away in my mind through abusing my body. Just simply to escape this living hell! […]

WHAT IF THEY WERE ON THE FRINGE?

I once saw a renowned medium as part of my exploration into my brother’s death and the afterlife. I thought there may be some insight to be gained that correlated with my own thoughts and beliefs about his passing and what lay beyond. What I heard – that which my brother was informing the medium – fascinated me. And in many ways made complete sense. Everything that we are – what we believe is definite, is not. We can at anytime redefine who we are. We do it in the stage of the afterlife by default. Our problem is that we stop doing it here on earth. We let tangible realities define us when we are not defined by tangible realities. This is where the problem lies. I should preface the rest of this post by saying that this is simply my experience. I did quite a lot of research to find the person I was looking for to conduct the reading. I wouldn’t suggest everyone that has lost someone automatically find a medium and all the answers that they seek will be delivered to them in sixty minutes. As I found out, many of the answers still elude us…even for those that have passed. […]

WHO WANTS TO SET THE TABLE?

In Tim Wilson’s feature documentary film, Griefwalker, a lyrical and poetic portrait of Stephen Jenkinson’s work with dying people, there is a thought provoking scene where Stephen talks to a dying mother about her family. He says to her – “Their capacity to go on as a family after you are gone is going to derive from how you died. Not of what. How you did it. In other words, how human can you be in the face of something that seduces you away from being human. That will determine what kind of a family they can be. It’s the table you set that determines the food they’re going to eat”. That last sentence hits me every time I re-read it. With suicide the table is literally thrown out the window, along with the life you used to live. Initially, the food that you eat has no taste. In other words, the act of their passing leaves no nourishment for those carrying on without them. The dining table can be an eerie place in the beginning. For families there will always be an empty seat at the table, even if you buy a smaller one and take away the lonely, spare chair. A piece of the puzzle is missing in which a certain irreplaceable void lingers in the heart. […]